Stress less: Tips from a ‘stress-pert’

Annie Kirschenmann is what I call a stress-pert. 

A board certified Dance/Movement Therapist and a non-verbal communication expert; a Nationally Certified Counselor; a Certified Corporate Business Coach; and a Certified NLP Practitioner, Annieimparts her wisdom on parents who children drive their lives… and sometimes steer them crazy.

From Annie:

Stress:  I can see you loud and clear

 “He was sick.  We’d been to the doctor, and got some medication, but he had still been crying for two days, ALL day – it was so awful.  I finally got him to sleep; then I crashed, only to be awakened at 1am by his screams.  I know this sounds terrible, but I just couldn’t stand it.  I know he was suffering, but I just wanted to shake him until he stopped. . .”

This is the true confession of a stressed out parent.  While it is a fairly dramatic example, there are worse scenarios.  You see the news – I don’t have to spell those out for you.

And lest we be too quick to judge, I think every caregiver can empathize to a certain degree.  Stress is a major factor in our lives to begin with.  Then you add in a mostly adorable infant, who cannot tell you what is wrong.  Children at this stage of development do not have language, although they can make a lot of soundsJ — their only method of communication is loud and relentless at times.  It can be challenging.  For the caregivers, this can add up to stress overload.

Back to our example parent, who could be Mom or Dad; no one is immune.  While trying to do his best, he was probably unintentionally adding to the infant’s distress.  If you have been following my previous blogs, [Smile For Me Baby; I See You See Me;  Non-Verbally Speaking] you already know that even when you say nothing, you are communicating to your baby on a non-language, body level.  This parent was very likely sending a message of frustration, tension and anger that her child was receiving, through sight and body sensations.

Reflect for a moment on what happens in your body when you feel stress.  Take your time; it’s important!  Start with your face and call upon your body memory to inform you.  Here’s a quick list of possibilities—some common body expressions of stress:

• Clenched jaw /teeth
• Pursed lips
• Stiff / tight neck
• Raised or scooped shoulders
• Tense arms
• Fists /wringing hands
• Pounding heart
• Chest tension
• Shallow or halting breath
• Upset  /tense stomach
• Back ache / tension
• Tapping foot / curling toes up in shoes

 

You may have some different things on your list and that’s OK; the point here is to become familiar with your body’s response to stress.  Because this is what your child is receiving; she can see it – and feel it – loud and clear.  And she will be impacted by it.

I impart this information not so that you can put yourself down!  You are a human being, and to feel this way from time-to-time is normal.  The key here is that by becoming aware of when you are experiencing (and therefore communicating) stress, you become more at choice.

Research is demonstrating that our stress levels increase the more helpless we feel; the more control we have, the lower our stress levels.  Clearly, the stressed out parent in our example felt overwhelmed and probably out of control.  This has a “snowball effect” that is not fun.

However, once you become familiar with your body’s response to stress, you now have a clear signal to let you know when you are under stress.   And then you are empowered to make a choice to do something that reduces your stress. 

I am a big fan of solutions that are simple, portable and practical; stress relievers you can use right in the moment you become aware you are stressed; tools that put you in control, such as:

• Breathe!! A long deep breath in and long slow exhale out
• Shoulder rolls (while breathing, of course!)
• Sip a cup of calming tea, such as chamomile
• Put on some soft, calming music (this will help your baby too)
• Shimmy out your tension – shake out your whole body, while flapping your arms and legs
• Create a break – get a relative or neighbor to stay with your bundle of joy for awhile and do something just for YOU

 

Which brings me to the time-honored “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.  I suggest pro-actively taking care of yourself, BEFORE your stress levels rise:

• Schedule time with your friends
• a massage or spa treatment
• create time for the things that are important for you, for example meditation, prayer, journaling, drawing
• talk regularly with a trusted advisor (friend, parent, faith counselor)
• reach out and put a great support network in place

 

You get the idea.  These are things just for YOU.  A final note:  putting yourself first often is not selfish.  In fact, taking care of yourself well is one of the most loving things you can do for your baby.  Because when your well is full, you will be less stressed.  And you will have oh, so much more to give. . .

__________________________________________________________

Stress harms you — the research is clear.  April is stress awareness month.  Use this opportunity to learn more about the stress reduction resources in your community.  You can also visit our division website — SimpleStressSolutions.com — for more information on stress, solutions and workplace wellness.

Annie Kirschenmann is a board certified Dance/Movement Therapist and a non-verbal communication expert; a Nationally Certified Counselor; a Certified Corporate Business Coach; and a Certified NLP Practitioner. She holds her M.S. from Hunter College (NY) and her BA from Macalester College (St. Paul).  Annie’s award winning master’s thesis is on the therapeutic benefits of smiling, laughter and humor.  She is the owner and lead coach/consultant for A.K. Coach and Company (AKACoachAndCompany.com).  She can be reached by email at:  Annie@AKACoachAndCompany.com