Mom of missing 10-month-old is no monster

…until proven guilty, at least. The mother of missing 10-month-old admitted to consuming more than five glasses of wine the night her daughter was allegedly abducted, saying she needed “grown-up time” after the kids went to bed. Deborah Bradley’s daughter, Lisa Irwin, was reported missing on Oct. 4. Bradley told news reporters she got drunk after putting Lisa and her two siblings to bed, saying she may have even passed out.

“She was sleeping. You know, I don’t see the problem in me having my grown up time. I take good care of my kids. I keep my house clean, do their laundry. I kiss their boo-boos. I fix them food. I’m involved in their school stuff. I mean, to me, there’s nothing wrong doing what I want to do after dark.”

What do you think about that? Call me a carouser, but I can’t blame her. OK, yes, I can a little. But Holy Shiraz, moms need mom time! I have no idea what kind of mother Bradley is. But let’s assume she’s accurate: when her kids are awake she’s a good mom, feeding them, changing them, washing their faces, playing games, washing their outfits, reading bedtime stories, attending to ALL their needs and the needs of the house before the needs of her own. ALL of us caregivers do that. And, Bradley did it all on her own, as baby daddy worked the night shift. If the woman is at all like the rest of us, a little mommy-happy-hour isn’t unwarranted. Regrets and Ramblings blogger says many parents may be guilty of drinking on-the-job after hours as well.

Of course there will be the few, that will shout, I never did that with children in the house. Yes I believe you…. Yes I believe you are being self-flaming righteous.  What about Christmas, what about a celebration, truthfully has a drink never passed your lips not on one occasion?  Have you never had a mate around and shared a bottle of wine whilst the kids are in bed?

I can’t say I would bamboozle myself the way Bradley seems to be admitting, but surely, we can all recognize the need for an adult beverage or two after a long, albeit wonderful day, of mothering. Parenting magazine says moms should make time for themselves at least once a week.

Moms should have at least 15 to 20 minutes of “me” time a day to decompress, especially between afternoon and evening, says health psychologist Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Ph.D., author of The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood. Then about once a week you need a longer block of time to get out and do something for yourself.

Reading that, I laughed out loud. Didn’t you? Once a week and once a day? Do you get that much me time? It can be simple, the magazine said, like watching TV while the kiddos are with their dad, but even still, moms don’t get enough, the magazine says. That’s because sans children, we feel guilty! We want to be there for our kids and we’re not complaining but Parenting mag is right! We need an hour or two to ourselves so we can MISS them if nothing else. We’re better parents when we miss them and yearn for their company than when we resent the time spent together. If she’s anything like the rest of us well-meaning caregivers, Bradley was likely only trying to get her mommy-time fix for the day, and we can’t bash her for that. Blacking out, OK, that’s too far, criminal even, but it’s really hard for me to judge her on this. The solution: hire a trustworthy babysitter, of course. But gazing through the rear view mirror is always more clear. We all need me-time, and that doesn’t make us bad moms. What do you think?

3 thoughts on “Mom of missing 10-month-old is no monster

  1. Since when is it okay to drink to the point of passing out when you are in charge of children? Every child in that house should be out of there as long as she drinks to this point and is alone with the kids. She has proven the point that she cannot control herself and all children under her care are at risk of also disappearing.

  2. Bradley was likely only trying to get her mommy-time fix for the day, and we can’t bash her for that. Blacking out, OK, that’s too far, criminal even, but it’s really hard for me to judge her on this. The solution: hire a trustworthy babysitter, of course. But the view from the rear view mirror is always more clear.

    We all need me-time, and that doesn’t make us bad moms.

    You have summed it up perfectly there, perhaps she went overboard with the drink, but there again, perhaps she could drink 5 glasses of wine normally and be OK and that day she did not eat, so it went straight to her head. We don’t the full circumstances, but I too have noticed there is some that are too willing to be judge, jury and executioner without knowing all the facts.

    Until the authorities either find Lisa, hopefully alive and well, nobody has the right to class a missing child as dead, which some people are doing.

    Mothers do need ‘me time’ and we do need adult time away from dirty nappies, playing with Thomas The Tank Engine, whilst making those baby noises, that nobody else can understand.

    We do need adult conversation, to do adult things and if you have had one of those days where the kids have been playing up and you are at fever pitch, a glass of wine can calm us all down and greatly needed.

    Nobody knows Deborah Bradley, only her neighbours, family and friends and people on the internet have not seen her in a day to day role as a wife and mother and therefore we can’t comment on whether she is a good parent or not. But her home looked clean and the pictures of her baby show she is well cared for and clean and happy.

    If this poor woman, never played a part in what happened to her daughter, the last thing she needs in for internet personas to rip her to shreds and the first and foremost thing that anyone should be doing is looking for Lisa. She is out there somewhere. Has someone seen a neighbour turn up with a baby over the last two weeks and said they are caring for this baby because someone is ill? Has someone been buying things for a baby that they would not normally buy?

    Finding Lisa is first apportioning blame is secondary. Whoever took and harmed Lisa is at fault here. But that baby needs to be found.

  3. I lol’d too. 15 to 20 minutes of me time would be wonderful but right now I would be happy with 5. I get an hour or two alone with my husband when his parents come to visit and watch DD, but other than that, I’m going constantly.

    I would never have that problem with drinking too much. I can’t even tolerate alcohol.

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